Year Twenty Noenty Four
I’ve been listening to SZA for a very long time — at least seven years now.
I’d just turned eighteen when CTRL dropped, and for some reason, I fell in love with the song 20 Something. It became my nightly lullaby because of the soothing strum of the guitar, and the piercing beauty of her vocals on it.
The hook (abi na chorus?) of 20 Something has the most melancholy lyrics ever, but I didn’t care because I couldn’t relate, anyway. I just KNEW for sure that such a song would NEVER be relatable to me, because my own twenties were going to be such a piece of cake. Hehehe.
Needless to say, I eventually turned twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-something… and started to avoid that song like the plague. At some point, I had to give it a thumbs-down on my streaming app so I wouldn’t find myself getting assaulted by it again. Why? The lyrics finally began to sting!
Guy, my early twenties really showed me pepper.
I’ve had a pretty good career trajectory, nurtured beautiful friendships and grown in many ways — but I have also seen shege.
I turned twenty-five earlier this year, and for the first time in years, I feel somewhat stable.
There is A LOT that’s crashing and changing around me, and a lot I desire but don’t have; yet I feel centered, hopeful and resolute. At least, I feel that way in this moment.
When I wrote my article for last year, I was nearly blind with rage. I can’t recall why exactly, but I remember being so upset with my unmet expectations that I penned a blasé, short piece before rushing to church for the crossover service. Man, that article was so… so rubbish. It was so devoid of both vulnerability and creativity that I ended up archiving it on my Medium, because I considered it such a disgrace to my skill as a writer. Hehe. Perhaps I should free it from the archive. It certainly has its place as a relic of an important time.
As always, I had bad things happen this year. Plenty. But I also had good ones. I got back into martial arts after ten years of being off that path, I saw satisfying things happen to people who deserved them, I became what Scripture refers to as fat and flourishing, I reconnected with old friends, I saw answers to prayer, and I closed out the year with a sweet new job in the works. I am reasonably content.
Last year, I posted a picture of my parents on New Year’s Eve and called them my MVPs of the year. This year, although they’ve remained the supportive and wonderful people they have always been, I think that title should go to my girlfriends. For every day of shege experienced, there has been a sweet and kind angel to help, support and love me through it. My friends really are amazing, and I remain utterly confused as to what I could have done to deserve any of them. It can only be God’s mercy.
I’m not sending this piece to any one of them in particular, but for every friend who gets to read this; please know that I love you so fervently that I struggle to even express it. You are part of my lifeblood, and I am grateful for you.
I didn’t find the proverbial light of true lurv this year, but I think I came close a number of times. Kind and sweet individuals that deserve props for the said kindness and sweetness. As I always say, God punish genotype. We (perhaps) go again next year!
Honourable mention goes to my delightful Graceplace family, where I have grown steadily in the knowledge of God’s word — and where I have yet to meet an unkind soul; after such a long time. I love my church folks so much, man. The Noëlla who goes for street evangelism every couple weeks is a far cry from the Noëlla I used to be, so I am deeply grateful. God knew exactly what He was doing.
There’s a trending video where a guy gets asked what he’s thankful for; and he says, “I’m thankful for shege that is balanced with blessings. The shege no pass the blessings… But the shege dey, e dey. But e no pass the blessings. We thank God.”
I think I’ll end this piece with that as a closing statement.
If you are ending this year on a note of dissatisfaction, my heart truly breaks for you. It’s a feeling I’m familiar with, and I know the pangs of this very sorrow, differently flavoured as it may be. May you reflect and see the things in your hand that are worthy of gratitude and consideration — and may next crossover bear a great difference to tonight.
Have a fantastic year ahead.
P.S: My Duolingo streak is 634 today, and I’m so excited! Can I have a conversation in French? Absolutely not. But will I continue to keep the streak because it’s amazing for my ego to shove my screen in people’s faces when they ask about it? YES. We go again next year!
