On Questioning God & Scripture: My Experience

For the first few months of this year, I went through some stuff that I’d like to share now. I’ve had my thoughts compiled for a bit (because I wrote down every lesson as I learned it) but I finally feel like it’s the right time to share.

I think that’s wrong, though; feelings aren’t always true and I probably should have shared this earlier.

As the title lets you know, I recently went through an intense phase of questioning God, as well as the veracity of Scripture and the extent of the truth it tells. I also questioned the nature and the point of what we know as 'God’s love’.

It was really, really tough. Super hard to speak about (I burst into tears many times either trying to talk or think about it); and my mind was constantly spinning with a million questions that led to MORE questions, which quickly began to snowball into a lot of doubt.

It wasn’t long before I slipped out of the mindset of looking for answers to these questions, to being hardened and actively looking for holes in the logic of Scripture. I could literally be doing chores or staring into blank space, and at the same time be deconstructing Biblical propositions in my head and teaching myself how they simply didn’t add up (if you know me well, you know I absolutely LOVE to break down assertions and point out why they don’t make sense). And OF COURSE, I wasn’t reading my Bible during this time, but I guess that goes without saying. Hehe.

Well, stuff changed for me on my birthday weekend. There were three pivotal conversations I had; one with my good friend Inioluwa, one with my aunt Rit, and the sermon on The Wrath of God that Pastor Oge Ogwe preached on the 5th of April. These all helped to piece together the logic of many of my major questions, and resolved them. But beyond that, I learned a lot through that period and I’d like to share in case someone else is struggling with doubt. Here are a few things I think you should know.

• You NEED to get out of your own head. Switch back to the mode of actively searching out answers. The space where you’re only trying to disprove the Bible is so, so dangerous. And it will mess with you and steal your peace. For real. Do whatever you have to do, whether it be changing your music, having more convos with Believing friends, or repeating Scriptures to yourself. Whatever it takes!
• It is OKAY and BIBLICAL to question God. If you have questions about why stuff isn’t going well, ask Him to show you why. There are literally books of Scripture asking Him questions! I mean, look at Lamentations, Ecclesiastes and even Psalms. He doesn’t want to keep you in the dark. Ask Him pleaseee. If you don’t hear His voice, there’s every likelihood that He’ll show you some other way, or at least flood your heart with peace & comfort while you wait for clarity.
• Literally ALL of these questions that you have, have answers. Logically deducible and flawlessly credible answers, I promise. Some, only God knows. The rest can be found out through proper study, apologetics, convos with Believers, sermons, and ordinary life events that the Holy Spirit gives meaning to.
• An overwhelming majority of the questions we have about God and Biblical credibility are due to one of these factors; lack of willingness to actually study the Bible/pure laziness or disinterest, lack of access to proper Bible study tools, improper Bible exegesis (for instance, trying to claim promises that weren’t contextually referring to you - the Believer in Christ), translation issues and cultural context of some Scriptures and the nature of the writers, as well as your own personal hurt from things that you may have gone through. They can also cloud your perception.

Finally, you CANNOT choose to base your conviction of the Word and Christian concepts upon your experiences, or things you see around you. Not even the great or nice ones; not even visions or testimonies. I mean, if your conviction of the fact that GOD IS GOOD is based upon your good health or your good grades, what happens if you fall ill or get bad grades?

Testimonies are great for reinforcing what we already know, but you must believe God’s word because you choose to believe it. That decision is what we refer to as faith.

We just believe, as foolish as that may seem, and regardless of what circumstances say. I can’t pick and choose what parts of the word apply; I believe God’s whole Word. And when I’m told of any vision or worldview or 'word of knowledge' that is contrary to God’s word, I reject it no matter how sweet and convincing it sounds. But you have to actually know what’s in the Bible to be able to do that, right? Lol. Read your Bibles, guys.

By God’s grace, I stand firm on His word. I’m sooooo far from being a perfect Christian, and there’s stuff in my life I know shouldn’t persist. There’s stuff I’m terrible at, and there’s stuff I’m finding it hard to go back to doing. But I try, still. And you should too!

As Priye from Christian Twitter says, I hope this helps.

Calvary Greetings 💛